I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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