I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
