I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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