***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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