I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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