Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
