Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
