how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
