i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
