Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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