I think I won the penis lottery.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
