non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
