based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
