i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
