I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
