I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
