It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
