paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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