I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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