Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
