i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
