Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
