Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
