i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
