Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize