this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
