Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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