I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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