Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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