K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
