Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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