I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
