So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
