I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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