turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
