where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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