You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
