i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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