He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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