I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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