it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You left your phone here
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