Slut skills are useful in every country.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
