I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
