I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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