we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
