I got chris browned last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
