ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
