But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
