You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
