Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
