Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
