i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
